I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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