like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
