Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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