Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
