The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
