Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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