will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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