she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just googled if crying burns calories
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
