Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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