i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
