Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
