I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
