I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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