do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
