you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
