Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
