I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
