what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
