He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
