Define "chronic" masturbator.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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