I wanna bring you to show and tell
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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