Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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