mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize