I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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