Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
