made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Randomize
