i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize