The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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