im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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