Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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