bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
