you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
