what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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