we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize