Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
