she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
