I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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