Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
