grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
