her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
