$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
