I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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