Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
