how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
