Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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