it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize