I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize