were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize