Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
