Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
