I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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