Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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