I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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