Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
