Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This is classic penis vs brain.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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