forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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