ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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