I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
