There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
