david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
