By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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