New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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