shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
