He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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