isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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