i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
