Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
