Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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