whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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