Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I enjoy the company of your penis
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
