just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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