my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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