All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
