i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
