He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
