Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
