I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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