There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
