I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
