I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
