You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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